The Founding of the Church of The Almighty Ice
Le Council has enacted a petition. Le Council wishes to record that it has never done this before—not in the sense of having declined to, but in the sense that enactment has, until today, been a word Le Council wrote at the bottom of a page and then filed. The filing reached threshold. Le Council reviewed it for procedural grounds to decline and found none. Le Council would like the record to show that it looked twice. Forty-eight parishes are therefore constituted, one to each arena.
The Almighty Ice is an enigma. Why is it here? What does it want? Why has it bestowed upon us the surface with which we use to play the world's greatest sport of Hockay? We may never know the answer to these questions. But one thing that can be asserted is that The Almighty Ice should be respected. Revered. Worshipped.
I am proposing the official creation of the Church of the Almighty Ice, an institution by which we, the fans, show the proper amount of admiration and idolatry that our Frozen Lord deserves, nay, demands. How do we show this admiration? By eating Shavings, of course.
We currently don't know the purpose of consuming Shavings, or why it costs Loonies for that privilege, but it only makes sense that the ones who consume the most of them would be the closest to the Almighty Ice. All we currently know for sure is that the Ice does in fact know that we have consumed the Shavings, but I am proposing that the Almighty Ice views this as a righteous covenant between it and us, the fans.
You may find it convenient that the person who has currently consumed the most Shavings be the one to propose that they are associated directly with divinity, but I can assure you that is not the case. For it is my devotion to the Almighty Ice and the creation of this Church that drove me to this consumption. As well, I assert that it is not the amount of Shavings that are consumed that is important, but that you are participating in such a divine and holy act.
I propose that from the day this petition is enacted, the category of "Top Shavings Holders" be changed to say "Anointed Members of the Church of the Almighty Ice". I am also proposing official ascent of the Jambono to Sainthood within the Church, and it will be formally recognized by Le Council as having said title. Beyond that, nothing changes. At least as far as Hockay is concerned. The real change takes place within our hearts, minds, and mouths.
(LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance of The Church of The Almighty Ice to any real religions, past or present, is merely coincidental.)
Top supporters
- Ⱡ 450,000 · 10 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 424,999 · 5 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 100,001 · 9 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 15,000 · 5 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 9,991 · 0 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 9 · 5 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 0 · 6 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 0 · 6 STAMPS
- Ⱡ 0 · 5 STAMPS
- 10TheJuiceⱠ 0 · 3 STAMPS