Terms of Service
Last updated: When The Almighty Ice last resurfaced. Section 10, which concerns real money, was last updated on 10 September 2026.
1. Acceptance of Terms
By accessing Hockay, you acknowledge that The Almighty Ice has appeared, that Hockay is real, and that you accept these Terms of Service as decreed by Le Permanent Council du Hockay and Unexplained Ice Phenomena (hereinafter "Le Council").
If you do not accept these terms, please close this tab and pretend The Almighty Ice never came. (It did.)
2. The Looneys
Looneys are the official currency of Hockay. Looneys have no real-world monetary value. You cannot eat them. You cannot trade them for goods or services outside of Hockay. Le Council is not responsible for any emotional attachment you develop toward your Looney balance.
Looneys may be earned through betting, daily rewards, or unexplained Ice generosity. Le Council reserves the right to adjust Looney distribution at any time, for any reason, including but not limited to: vibes, lunar cycles, and the mood of The Jambono.
Looneys cannot be bought. There is no arrangement under which money becomes Looneys, and Section 10 does not create one.
3. Betting & Wagering
All bets placed on Hockay games are made using Looneys and are strictly for entertainment purposes. The odds are determined by forces that Le Council does not fully understand. No refunds will be issued for bets lost due to Whiteout conditions, Wish reversals, Encore duplications, or any other arena modifier.
By placing a bet, you accept that the outcome of any Hockay game is subject to The Almighty Ice's will.
4. User Conduct
You agree not to:
- Attempt to communicate directly with The Almighty Ice
- Claim to understand The Almighty Ice. (Le Council notes that certain unaffiliated groups claim otherwise. Le Council does not endorse, recognize, or accept liability for any such claims.)
- Interfere with The Jambono's resurfacing process
- Impersonate a member of Le Council, The Jambono, or The Puck
- Enter The Sixth voluntarily. (The Sixth is reserved for penalized players. Unauthorized entry is not covered by these Terms, mostly because Le Council does not know what would happen.)
- Use Looneys for purposes The Almighty Ice did not intend. (What purposes The Almighty Ice sanctions is Glacified.)
5. Arena Modifiers & Unexplained Phenomena
Le Council acknowledges that certain arenas exhibit unusual properties. These include but are not limited to: temporal distortion, stat suppression, mood alteration, competitive lethargy, event duplication, involuntary stat rearrangement, and the presence of 2,347,816 penguins.
Le Council is not liable for any confusion, disorientation, or existential dread caused by arena modifiers. Participants who attend games at The Sandy Parlor are advised that wishes, once granted, cannot be unganted. This is not a typo. That is how wishes work.
6. Privacy
Le Council collects your email address, your username, and your betting history. Le Council does not sell this data. The Almighty Ice, however, sees everything. Le Council cannot speak to what The Almighty Ice does with this information.
Your Looney balance, betting record, and team affiliation may be visible to other participants. If you do not wish to be seen, Le Council suggests not being here. The Almighty Ice would have found you anyway.
7. Intellectual Property
All team names, arena names, player identities, and Ice-related phenomena are the property of Hockay. The Almighty Ice itself belongs to no one. Or perhaps to everyone. Le Council is still debating this.
Fan-created content (art, analysis, lore interpretation, conspiracy theories) belongs to its creators. Le Council appreciates the effort and is watching with interest.
8. Termination
Le Council may suspend or terminate your access to Hockay at any time. You may also leave at any time, though The Almighty Ice will remember you were here.
Accounts terminated by Le Council may appeal through standard channels. Le Council does not currently have standard channels. Le Council is working on it.
9. Modifications
Le Council reserves the right to modify these Terms at any time. Changes take effect upon The Jambono's next Resurfacing. Continued use of Hockay after a Resurfacing constitutes acceptance of whatever happened.
10. La Caisse Populaire
Everything above this section concerns a fictional league and a currency that is not money. This section does not. La Caisse Populaire des Fanatiques Partisans du Hockay takes real money, from a real card, once a year, until it is stopped. Le Council states its terms here without ornament, because this is the one part of Hockay where a joke would cost somebody something.
10.1—What a membership is. A membership in La Caisse is a voluntary contribution to the running of Hockay, made by a supporter who wishes to support it. A member is called a sociétaire. Le Council calls a sociétaire a member-owner, which is the correct word for a member of a caisse populaire, and which here describes standing inside a game and nothing else.
10.2—What a membership is not. A sociétaire acquires no equity, no ownership interest, no share of revenue or profit, no financial return of any kind, and no voting right in any company, cooperative, association or other legal entity. La Caisse holds no deposits, issues no credit and pays no interest. A membership is not an investment, not a security, and not a stake in anything. Le Council wishes to be exact about this, having spent a season writing about shareholders: a sociétaire owns nothing.
10.3—The figure, and the renewal. A membership costs a minimum of twelve United States dollars a year. A sociétaire chooses any figure from twelve to one hundred and twenty dollars and pays the figure they chose. A membership renews automatically, once a year, at that figure, until it is stopped. The renewal is charged to the same card. A sociétaire may change their figure from the account page at any time, and the new figure applies from the next renewal.
10.4—Stopping. A sociétaire may stop a membership at any time from the account page. Stopping takes effect at the end of the year already paid for: no further charge is made, the membership runs to the end of that year, and what it grants ends with it. Le Council does not require a reason and will not ask for one.
10.5—Refunds. A sociétaire who asks within fourteen days of a charge is refunded that charge in full. Ask through the contact form. After fourteen days a charge is not refunded, and 10.4 applies instead.
10.6—What a membership grants. Capacity and cosmetics inside a game: a second binder, so two hundred cards may be held rather than one hundred; an attendance that no longer competes with a petition Seal; a mark on a profile, on forum posts and on petition receipts; and a private channel on the Discord. These are features of a game. They have no cash value, cannot be exchanged for Looneys, kcups, cards or money, and may change or be withdrawn as the game changes. A membership grants no advantage in Looneys, in betting, on the Exchange, or in any vote or petition. The Caisse does not sell civic voice, and a sociétaire's Seal is one a day, the same as everyone's.
10.7—Nothing is taken back. If a membership is stopped or lapses, nothing a sociétaire holds is deleted. Cards stay held. Capacity returns to one binder, which means the second binder stops accepting new cards. It does not mean cards are removed from it.
10.8—Who may join. A sociétaire must be old enough to enter into a contract where they live, and must be the cardholder or have the cardholder's permission.
10.9—Payment. Payments are taken by Stripe. Hockay never receives, sees or stores card details. What is shared with Stripe, and what comes back, is set out in Section 10 of the Privacy Policy.
10.10—The law that applies to this section. Section 11 governs the rest of these Terms. It does not govern this one, and Le Council will not pretend otherwise. A membership is a real transaction under the laws of the province of Québec, Canada, and nothing in these Terms removes or limits a right that law gives them. Where this section and that law disagree, that law is correct.
11. Governing Law
These Terms are governed by the laws of The Almighty Ice, which exist outside any national jurisdiction. Disputes shall be settled by a best-of-seven series.
Section 10 is the exception, and says so.