The Jambono Has Resurfaced
Over the first week of October, the Looneys held across Hockay grew by a factor Le Council's Fiscal Observation Office declined to read aloud because of the impact they would have on any fan's sanity. Le Council convened to study the matter. Le Council was studying it at rinkside, where the ledgers are kept cold.
Regarding the incident
At approximately 02:40 UITC, a member of Le Council's support staff tripped on a cable that Le Council has since been unable to locate. A cup of coffee left the member's hand. It reached The Jambono.
The Jambono did not stop. The Jambono does not stop. It completed its pass, and then it completed a second pass beyond the scope of the ice sheet. Le Council's instruments recorded the second pass crossing the boards, the press box, and the ledger.
Le Council does not know whether The Jambono was caretaking or corrupting. Le Council has never known. The coffee does not appear to have helped.
What was resurfaced
The Jambono resurfaced the deepest stacks of Looneys in Hockay. Le Council has examined the pattern and is able to describe it:
- Every citizen holding Ⱡ1,000,000,000 or less—in hand, on open wagers, or owed on wagers already won—is untouched. Nothing moved.
- Above that line, the higher the stack, the deeper the shave.
- Nobody passed anybody. Every citizen who stood above another before the incident stands above them now.
- Open wagers were resurfaced with their owners. A ticket keeps its odds; its stake and its return were shaved by the same measure as the rest of its owner's stack.
Each citizen reached by the second pass will find an entry titled The Resurfacing on their ledger, recording what they held before and what remains.
The Exchange
No share was taken from anyone. Every certificate is where it was.
The Jambono did, however, pass over the share registers. Each team's price followed the citizens who hold it: a team held largely by the deepest stacks fell with them, and a team held by many smaller hands fell the least. S.L.U.S.H. has recorded the new prices as found. S.L.U.S.H. does not set prices. S.L.U.S.H. records them.
Recognition
Citizens reached by the second pass have been issued the Jambono-Cooked distinction. Le Council does not consider this an honour. Le Council does not consider it a penalty either. It is a record.
Measures taken
Le Council has prohibited beverages within four metres of The Jambono. Le Council is aware this measure arrives late.
Separately, B.U.T. has amended the terms of Run Deep. Tickets on a team now lock when that team's series faces off and reopen once it is decided. B.U.T. underwrites what it can see coming. B.U.T. did not see this coming.
The Jambono has resurfaced. Things are different now. We apologize.